I'm Back

It's been awhile since I have written here.  I was struggling with overwhelming feelings in my last post.  Most of the time I try to remain upbeat and thankful that I do not have a life threatening illness.  But, like everyone, I have moments when it all feels like its too much to handle.  So, I stopped writing for a bit.

I have continued my chiropractic therapy and I now only go once a week.  I do believe with all my heart that it is helping me.  I am not *pain free* so to speak, but my pain tolerance has improved.  I also saw my rheumatolgist a few weeks ago and we talked a bit about my pain and energy levels.  I told her that my energy was still low and she doubled my dose of Effexor.  I don't have depression, just fatigue.  She also told me something I didn't know.  She said I should be taking my muscle relaxers every night.  I was only taking them every once in awhile and she said they don't really work that way.  In order for them to be effective, I need to take them every night.  Since doing that, my pain tolerance is a bit better.  Maybe its b/c I am sleeping much more solid on the pain killers.  The only downside is that I need to take them early so they don't affect me in the mornings.  So, I try to take them anywhere between 6-7pm.  I am usually asleep by 9ish.  From a health standpoint, that is awesome!  But, it isn't great for my relationship with my husband.  I am asleep and he is alone watching tv.  It really stinks, but I need that sleep to function.  So, very little alone time right now.  But, I have come to learn that things constantly change.  This current sleep pattern won't last forever, but its working now.  Eventually, I hope to get off medication some day!
Oh- and good news!  I was promoted at work and we also are buying a new house.  It's going to be a new build and has lots of storage space.  This means so much as I feel like I can't stuff anymore in this house!  I don't mean big stuff, I mean like bookbags and bike helmets!  Stuff kids use!  It won't be ready until April of next year, but I hope to get through the holidays stress free!

That's all for now!

Medication

I have completed my 1st week of chiropractic treatment.  I am going to go 3 times per week - for 4 weeks.  Week 1 is complete.  I can honestly say, it is helping.  I haven't been hobbling around in the morning with the pain in my legs.  But, I also haven't been doing any exercise lately.  Maybe that is the true test.

Whatever the reason, I am just going to accept it and be happy about it.  I am going to live in the moment and enjoy some pain free days.  I am not going to wait for the pain to start or read into it too much.  I am pretty darn happy about it!

As I continue with chiropractic treatment, I wonder if I can acheive my ultimate goal:  cut out medication.  I hate taking pills everyday and if I can get off some of it, that would be wonderful.  I know many people with fibro take a lot more than I do, so I can't complain much.  But, it's an expense and a pain in the butt remembering to take it everyday.

My routine for medication is:

• GNC Women's Ultra Mega Vitamin with breakfast.  This vitamin rocks!
• YAZ birth control pill & Effexor with lunch.  I really don't need birth control, my husband had a vasectomy after Austin was born.  But, I take it because the pain with my periods was so bad (since Austin's birth) and it was irregular, plus endometriosis..  I also had dramatic mood swings during this time, so it helps with that as well.  Effexor is what the dr. prescribed for the fibro pain.
• Zyrtec before bed.  This stops the wierd itching I get if I don't take it.  It's expensive over the counter, would love to drop this one!

Sometimes muscle relaxors or tyelenol pm before bed.

I have had no difficulty getting out of bed the past 2 mornings either.  I haven't exactly jumped right up, but I haven't been as sleepy and foggy in the morning.

Sore, Rainy Day

Well, I woke up a little sore today.  When I first woke up (with great difficulty) my legs felt like bricks.  I know the feeling all too well.  My legs were stiff and heavy and I really just wanted to go back to sleep.

Very disappointing since I have felt great the last 2 days.  I am trying to track what could cause the change, here is my list:

1. I just remembered that I forgot to take my Effexor yesterday.
2. I didn't go to the chiropractor yesterday.
3. I had a longer than usual day (gymnastics and then bath for the kids).
4. I fell asleep closer to 11pm (later than usual for me).
5. It's cold and rainy outside.

Ok, so here is my theory.  Since I forgot to take the Effexor yesterday, it is really impacting me today (as opposed to when it happened).  This disrupted the routine and made it more difficult to fall asleep.  So, this leads me to be a little achy today.

So, I will get back on track with the Effexor.  Maybe it helps more than I realize?  And, I see the chiropractor after work.  I hope this will all lead to a great weekend.

On a positive note, I lost 1.5 lbs.  I have been trying to lose weight, but it isn't easy.  I am not overweight, but I am on the high end of the BMI scale healthy range.  I really want to take off 10 more lbs. 

Fat literally hurts on me.  I thought this was normal, but in learning about fibro, I have come to realize fat isn't supposed to hurt.  When I gain weight in my legs, the pain is much worse.  So, as hard as it is to stay slimmer, I know I feel better when I weight less. 

I have a busy weekend ahead and hope to I have the energy levels to keep up.  Tomorrow is our normal swimming lesson routine.  I would love to get to the gym a little early though and do a 30 minute workout before Mercedes' swim lesson.  But, I am going to make the right choice and sleep in a little.  It's all about choices right?  That sucks!!!  But, I know if I push myself too hard then I am setting myself up for trouble.

After that, I am going to get my haircut, which always makes me feel a little better.  I really do try to keep looking my best, even if I don't feel my best.  I don't want sympathy from people so I am not going to walk around looking like I feel.  If I did that, I would look 30 years older!

Sunday we are going to a Halloween event at the amusement park.  The kids will get dressed up and trick or treat around the park.  It's a LOT of walking, but it is so fun for the kids.  My goal is to pace myself to get through this day without any problems.  Sunday and Mondays tend to be difficult.

I have Monday off for Columbus day, which is the only reason we are doing the amusement park on a Sunday.  On Monday, it is a pretty simple day, taking the kids to see the Toy Story 3D marathon.  It doesn't involve much physical activity, so that should be ok. 

The hard part is that in between all of the above- lots of cleaning and laundry!  My husband has been awesome this week at keeping the house in pretty good shape.  But, there is still more to do.  And, my mother is coming into town (can't wait) on Wed. so I want to get some things ready for that too.

All for now, my shoulders are getting sore while I am typing.  I am going to go stretch and try to make the best of this rainy day.

Chiropractor

I will start to keep up with my blog. It's been awhile and I haven't felt much like writing. I am not sharing this blog with family and friends because I want a place where I can write about how I honestly feel without being thought of as "dramatic" or "crazy". I really think most of my family, outside of my husband, does not believe I have fibromyalgia. Like many previous doctors, they think I am just stressed out because I work full-time and I have two small children.

But, this is not stress. Quite honestly, outside of being in pain so often, I have very little stress. My body feeling ages beyond my true years is the only stress I really have. I am happy in my marriage, thrilled and thankful for my children, and I really like my job. Of course, I wish we had more money and all that stuff, but it doesn't consume my thoughts.

So, I am seeing a chiroprator on Friday, at the recommendation of a friend. It's sort of a last resort and ditch effort to reclaim my body. I am so sick of being tired and sore. The fibro has gotten worse, not better. Well, for the most part. I have been on Effexor for quite awhile now and it doesn't really seem to do a whole lot. I am not depressed, so maybe it does help there. One very noticible thing though, I have no more jaw pain. When I was 1st diagnosed with fibro, I had an aching jaw almost all of the time. My dentist said I had classic TMJ and offered some things I could do. But, nothing worked except this Effexor. When I started that, the jaw pain went away completely. Wierd! But, hey, I'll take it.

I struggle with exercise. I love to exercise and go to the gym, etc. But, lately, I find that the days following even small workouts leave me in a great deal of pain. We had bought a wii fit and I thought those "light" workouts would be perfect. The yoga didn't cause much pain, but it isn't like being in a real yoga class. But, I bought the wii active and was doing some boxing moves and kicks. I really enjoyed it! But, the next day I could hardly walk. I know I was using some muscles that haven't been used in a long time, but the amount of soreness exceeded what would be considered normal. I wasn't just sore. I could barely walk. This was an awakening to the fact that fibro is interferring with my life.

A week or so later I wanted to do the wii active again, but didn't because I was leaving for a business trip the following day. I knew I couldn't handle walking thru the airport with such sore legs. I have read that managing fibro is all about choices. Well, that just SUCKS. So, I have to choose to slow down when I want to live my life to the fullest? I have to choose not to exercise so I can do basic activities the next day? That is not a solution for me. I don't want to choose not to do things that I enjoy.

While I was on the business trip, I realized just how much this affects my life. I was in bed early each night and exhausted at the end of the day (even though I was sitting in conferences most of the day). I was traveling with my boss who is about 20 years older than me and I couldn't keep up with her level of energy. This was extremely frustrating for me.

I also came down with strep throat again. This is when a friend asked me if I considered a chiropractor. I had considered it, but really never followed through. My husband and I have discussed massage therapy, but I am actually afraid a massage will hurt! Sometimes the slightest pressure on my shoulders is very painful. I will go to the chiropractor and see if she can help. At this point, I feel like I have nothing to lose. I want my body back.

I need to make a list of all my ailments (long list) and maybe she can connect them. It seems like when I fix one thing, another breaks. I wonder if this could help my ITP too?

ITP. This is an auto-immune disease that I was diagnosed with in about 2000 or 2001. My body seems to destroy my platelets and the doctors don't really know why. My counts do not typically get dangerously low. When I was first diagnosed, the count was about 110k. For a normal person, platelet counts are 250k - 450k. At 110k, I was not at risk for much of anything, but they just kept an eye on it because it wasn't normal. I wasn't treated for it, but just bruised easily. I didn't get concerned with this again until 2004 when I was pregnant with my 1st child. Sometimes women develop ITP when they are pregnant and then their counts are normal again after birth. Well, interestingly enough, my counts went up to about 125k.

If your counts are below 100k, doctors are hesitant to give you an epidural. That was really my biggest concern, making sure I could deliver without pain! I know some women want natural birth, but I was terrified and wanted as little pain as possible. I delivered a healthy baby girl via c-section on 5/20/2004. The labor was almost 3 days and was miserable...but my platelets stayed above the line.

Over the next few years, they decreased slowly. By the time I was pregnant again in 2006, they were about 90k - 100k as my "normal". Again, delivered c-section with no issues.

3 years later, my "normal" is 50-60k. I had my gallbladder removed in 2008 and was given WinRho via an IV and this boosted my counts to 300k! But, it only lasted a few weeks. Predisone was tested and actually decreased my counts, which baffled the doctors.

My ITP is actually odd too. Most people with ITP have antibodies in their blood that specifically attack their platelets. Doctors have tested me for these antibodies and they weren't there. My general PCP thinks this means I do not *officially* have ITP. But, my hematologist says that I don't need to have the antibodies present to have ITP. He is solid on his diagnosis. I also had "young" platelets in my blood. They say this means that the platelets are being destroyed before they mature.

Well, the gallbladder removal was quite interesting too. But, more on that later. In summary, I have several issues that I am hoping the chiropractor can help me with.

I will write more tomorrow after the visit!